Nope … this is not a Star Wars story. Fortunately (for you) this is yet another true story about the fascinating guests you get at posh hotels. Another battle between technology and human “intelligence” – SARCASM mode activate. Let me give you some advise before I continue …. remember that parenting is not just blasting your load inside your woman to get her preggos … it actually involves taking care of the child, educating the little beast, and for fucks sake, disciplining the little shits. It seems that a lot of “modern” parents have forgotten the A,B,Cs of parenting and stopped giving a rat’s ass after gang banging each other. Some financially better off people have watched Mary Poppins a bit too much in their childhood and prefer hiring nannies to do the upbringing of their children whilst they continue on having yacht parties and sucking cream off their partner’s genitals .
Rant out of the way …. I almost feel better now …. let’s continue with the story. So I was having a cigarette with my colleague in the Executive Lounge (as I used to call the staff smoking area) and we were talking about his shift. He was telling me how he would love to do a few night shifts with me to get a better grasp of what happens on the other side of the coin. I was telling him how this particular property was not too problematic and the complaints we received were until certain point quite generic and out of the “Guests are Cunts Handbook”. A few laughs here, a few laughs there and my colleague was ordering his Uber to go home as it had been an intense day for him. We were walking back inside … he was on his way out and I was on my way to the back office. As we said our goodbyes, the bloody deck phone went off with a Fire Alarm. Now …. this is not uncommon, especially during Middle Eastern season due to high usage of incense in the rooms. We were a bit perplexed as we did not recognise the alert on the phone, so we rushed towards the Security Office to liaise with the Security Officer on duty. As we were going there we heard the actually alarm going off outside the building and we were like “ok …. what the FUCK is going on”.
We reached the Security Office and shortly, another alert went off on our phones stating a particular room number. Security went there whilst my colleague and I looked at the fire panel with a confused look at it. The fucking panel looked like a bloody Christmas tree all lit up. Two minutes later, security calls saying there is water coming from the room. My first response was “What the fuck happened?!” His first answer “The fucking sprinkler went off!.”
“OH MY FUCKING GOD!!”Noah – when it started raining.
My colleague and I ran to the room. After catching our breaths, my colleague (who speaks Arabic) started asking what happened. The nannies and the kids were yelling trying to save their fucking iPhones and PlayStation instead of getting the fuck out of the room for us to stop the sprinkler and clear the water. Finally we cut off the water and got them out of the room. They were explaining to my colleague that one of the children was playing with his fucking remote controlled helicopter in the bloody room and yes, he fucking crashed the piece of shit chopper into the sprinkler thus causing it to go off. May I add, that these fucking kids were told off a couple days earlier by our security staff for flying that same piece of shit helicopter downstairs in the restaurant. The parents were not in the hotel as they had gone out for some dinner, but one of our senior members of management contacted them to explain the situation. Now …. sprinklers. As you can imagine, the water that comes out of them fuckers is a bit more than you taking a piss on a campfire. It’s more like a fucking swimming pool dropping on you. Litres and litres of water falling down at immense strength and speed to put a fire out. So even though it took about 10-15 minutes from the first alarm to actually turning them off, by then 3 floors had been flooded. The room itself, a fucking waterfall coming down in one of the function rooms, and then one of the offices in the basement. Bloody brilliant, innit?!
So the parents arrive and come into the room. Do you think they said sorry or showed any sort of remorse? LOL …. of course fucking not. They began some bloody conspiracy theory … all fucking Areas 51 style … on how the hotel was trying to make money off them and pressed the “red button” on their children to flood them …. sigh. They began arguing with my colleague that it was impossible that little helicopter could have caused that much damage. My colleague, bless his heart of gold, was dealing with this Middle Eastern family for quite some time and explaining very calmly the situation. It wasn’t until 2 hours later the father came downstairs to see the full scale of the damage that he realised they fucked up.
I hope that little kid got some massive ass whipping, but eventually they left after a few days. I presume after they got the bill for the damages caused, which I assure you …. it wasn’t monkey peanuts. So let this be a lesson to you all of you that have reached puberty. Keep your cock covered up because these could be your kids in future! Peace out bitches!